Rampage Begins: Saturday, December 15th, 2007

This just in from Santa HQ... final deets on Saturday's mayhem. Apologies if you get this several times, we don't want to miss anyone ...

Santarchy Ottawa: SANTAGATE

WHEN: Saturday, Dec 15th, 7pm, 6pm if you plan to eat with Santa
WHERE: Patty Boland's Pub on Clarance Street in the Market (http://tinyurl.com/yqk47j)

Where we go from there is up to SANTA! If you're coming for food, please email [email protected] to reserve space. Please don't order food at Pattys (or anywhere else along the route) unless you arrive before 6:30, we'll be moving hard and fast and you'll get left behind. Pay as you go instead of running a tab, Santa may have to run any any moment. We'll be leaving Pattys around 8:30.

We'll be regaling the public at various points with selections from Santa's Big Book of Dirty Carols.. to make sure we have enough, download and print a couple of copies at: http://www.zenten.ca/docs/Ottawa%20Santarchy%202007.pdf (To print these, print the odd pages, flip them over and put them back in the printer, print the even pages, then fold and staple in the middle)

Remember Santa's dress code: A Santa hat is NOT ENOUGH. Don't have a santa suit? Make or buy one, but don't show up in just a santa hat unless you have $1000's to buy us all drinks, all night. Yes, you WILL be Santa's Little Bitch(tm). Hint: Dollar store tree skirts make excellent kilts or shawls. Full details on Santas Rules at http://www.santagate.org/

Saturday's forecast looks COLD, so dress appropriately under those Santa suits.

Bring money for drinks.
Bring proper 19+ ID
Bring an unmarked drinking vessel.
Bring comfy shoes and warm clothes.
Bring gifts and crap for the shoppers and homeless.
Bring a musical instrument.
Bring a camera.
Bring your loud ass and your singing pipes.

BRING YOUR OWN BAIL!

REMEMBER THE FOUR FUCKS:
Don't fuck with KIDS
Don't fuck with THE LAW
Don't fuck with SECURITY
DON'T FUCK WITH SANTA

Santa is just about the best response to any question asked, like "Who's in charge here?" or "What's your name?".

Ho Ho Ho MOFO!

- Santa

If you want to be updated of all the latest information or would like to take part in the pre-party/post-party hype, join our yahoo list!

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/santagate/


OR join the Facebook Event Listing here: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=6891075722

OR check back here for all the updates! (meet-up time and place)
Santa's Rules:
  1. Be Jolly.
  2. Santa apparel is mandatory. A Santa hat is not enough. Get a Santa suit. Make a Santa suit. Steal a Santa suit. Buy a Santa suit. If youdon't have any money, be creative. If you don't have any creativity, slap yourself three times and ask your mom to help you. Glue cottonballs to red long johns. Make it purple. Make it pink. Already have a Santa suit? Make a spare so Santa can assimilate strangers. Pastexamples: pimp Santa/Santa garcia/Santa's naughty little helper/misfit toy/elf/reindeer. Traditional suits can be bought at local partystores or ordered online for $12 and up.
  3. The schedule is open to liberal interpretation by Santa. If you can't show up for the start, get the cell number of someone who cantalk you in later.
  4. Santa does not make children cry (unless they whine, snivel, or otherwise deserve it). Really - If you see kids, give them nice toys,candy, or something pleasant. Feel free to urinate on their parents.
  5. Watching Santa get drunk and obnoxious is fun. Babysitting Santa while they vomit in an alley is not.
  6. Twisting the holiday paradigm until it screams for mercy is fun! Getting arrested is not. Santa Claus is friendly and cooperative withcops, security guards and secret service agents, and doesn't break any laws (unless they're stupid and deserve to be broken).
  7. Bring gifts -- Naughty gifts to give grown ups; nice stuff to give kids. Throwing coal at Parliament is discouraged (see #4 above).
  8. Pay your own god damn bar tab.
  9. The answer to important questions that may arise:
    * Who's in charge? "Santa"
    * What organization are you with? "Santa"
    * What are you protesting? "Shitty holiday parties"
    * How did you get here? "A sleigh and eight tiny reindeer"
    * Where are you going? "I'm only allowed to tell you if you dress like Santa"
- Love Santa